MY BLACK CLOUD

(fair warning: this is not a post about sweet Katheryn, but a post about her emotional mom. There's no puppies, rainbows or babies to read about here.)

My "friend" followed me to California. I thought I had gotten rid of it for now. Apparently I haven't.

This week was a very rough week for me. I think the dust has settled from the move. We're moved in, unpacked & settled. Which means we're not on vacation and we're not going back home to Dallas. Closing on our house in Dallas this week did not help. This really is our new home.

I had been very proud of myself since we started the move process that I had only broken down once. And since we've been in California I've really liked it here but some time between last Saturday night & Sunday morning my "friend," the black cloud, found me and decided to dump on me, in the form of depression.

I'm tired of not knowing my way around (yes, I know this will change), I'm tired of having to find new places for everything - doctors, grocery stores, etc. (again, yes, this will change), I'm tired of not having my family & friends close (and yes, I will meet new friends). I'm just plain tired. This is my depression coming back. Hopefully it's short term. But in the mean time it's awful, just plain hell. I've cried quite a bit this week and I know it may last a little longer but again, how long?

Luckily, I've got a wonderful patient husband to lean on. I just really don't know what I would do without him. And thank goodness my parents are just a phone call away. But it's still tough. Last time my cloud came back was after Katheryn was born. And it was with me for several months, maybe 6-7 months. I'm sure it was the hormones but it doesn't make it any better. Hopefully this cloud will be temporary. Don't get me wrong, I realize I have an awesome husband, a healthy and extremely happy little girl and we live in a great house. This, I know.

In the meantime I'm trying to take it day by day. Sometimes even hour by hour. I never know how the day is going to start or end. Today, was pretty good. Yesterday, was hell. Tomorrow, who knows.

Hopefully, sooner than later, my "friend" will have sun shining through it again.